~A Starting Town Haiku~ Brave Adventurers Warrior, Mage, Thief, Cleric Searching For Glory ~A Funny Starting Town Haiku~ Search Feverishly Barrels, Vases, Crates And Rats All Cash Pinatas ~An Uber-Deep Starting Town Haiku~ Hero? Hero? Hey! Are you listening? HERO! Watch Tutorial? ~An Incredibly Shallow Starting Town Haiku~ You're Such A Noob Bro Why Use THAT Crappy Armor? Games aren't Fun And Games... ~A Fan-Thanking Starting Town Haiku~ Many Heartfelt Thanks Your Kind Support Means So Much Grateful and Humbled

~Explore The Forest: A Text Adventure!~ *You are standing at the entrance of a dense forest. What do you do? -Enter forest *You enter the forest. You are now standing inside the dense forest. What do you do? -Look around *I do not understand "around". -Look at forest *You look at the forest and realize it is in fact a dense forest. What do you do? -Walk *Walk where? -Walk into the forest *You are already inside the forest. -Walk deeper into the forest. *I do not understand "deeper". -Walk forest. *I do not understand. -Go farther into the forest. *I do not understand "farther". -Go into the forest. *You are already inside the forest. Perhaps you should look inside your pockets? -Look inside pockets *You look inside your pockets and realize that you forgot to bring anything with you, your pockets are empty. Only some lint and food crumbs line the stitches of your pockets. What do you do? -Look around *I do not understand "around". -Look at forest *You look at the forest and realize it is in fact a dense forest. What do you do? -sit *Sit where? -sit on ground *You sit on the ground. The trees look taller now. What do you do? -Leave the forest *You cannot leave the forest, you are still sitting. What do you do? -stand *You stand up. The trees look shorter now. What do you do? -Leave the forest *You cannot leave the forest, you do not know the way. What do you do? -Figure out the way I do not understand "figure out the way". -You suck *I do not understand "you suck". -iuhaiflabflifdsfibda *I do not understand "iuhaiflabflifdsfibda". What do you do? -Explore the forest *You explore the forest. What do you do? -explore the forest *You explore more of the forest. What do you do? -explore the forest *You explore even more of the forest. What do you do? -explore the forest *You explore even more of the forest and are now starving. If you do not eat a significant meal within (5) turns you will starve to death. What do you do? -eat food *You do not have "food". If you do not eat a significant meal within (4) turns you will starve to death. What do you do? -Eat food crumbs *You can't eat that. If you do not eat a significant meal within (3) turns you will starve to death. What do you do? -Eat a tree *You can't eat that. If you do not eat a significant meal within (2) turns you will starve to death. What do you do? -Search for food *There is no "food" nearby. If you do not eat a significant meal within (1) turns you will starve to death. What do you do? -Eat a significant meal *Thinking quickly, you remove the stitching from your pocket and fashion a rudimentary trap using the food crumbs and lint as bait and the pocket lining as a small net. Soon after setting the trap a tiny mouse scurries into the trap and is caught. To your surprise, a small snake slithers over to the caught mouse and starts to swallow it whole. To your dismay, a forest owl swoops down and grabs the snake with its strong talons. Before the owl can fly away with its prize, a grey wolf leaps out from the darkness of the forest and pounces on the unsuspecting forest owl and quickly devours the nocturnal bird. The grey wolf, having finished his meal looks up at you with a glare that could be mistaken for curiosity if the sizeable wolf wasn't lurched forward in an attack posture, teeth bared and growling at such a low pitch that the reverberations echo and drone to envelop you in an all encompassing certainly that escape is impossible. "Hi." Says the grey wolf in a charming yet growly accent. "You look hungry. Hang on. One sec." The wolf pulls a cell phone from his wolf pocket and dials with a finesse unexpected from a species without opposable thumbs. A moment later, the grey wolf barks into the phone several times, holding an untranslatable conversation with the mumbled voice on the other end. Satisfied, the wolf ends the call. "Just a sec." The wolf quips. From the darkness of the forest a fleet of bunnies dressed as wait staff from a fancy forest-themed restaurant leap around you and the wolf with spirited professionalism and within the time it takes you to blink, a full picnic spread is laid out in front of you, ready to eat. You eat a significant meal. The grey wolf smiles in a grey wolf way before offering a simple respectful bow and disappearing back into the darkness of the forest from whence it came. You have eaten a significant meal. Congratulations! *You have completed "~Explore The Forest: A Text Adventure!~" Thank you for playing! Type "end" to end the program or "restart" to play again. -... *I do not understand "..."

Factory Investigation Official Checklist For The Purposes Of Inspection To Meet Established Industry Guidelines -or- F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G. (Pronounced "Ph-eye-oh-kefft-poyeetum-egg) When completed, file this finished document with appropriate signatures and supplementary documentation to the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices at: 1 Kingdom Road P.O. Box 1-8 Kingdomtown, Kingdom K1N-6D0M The Kingdom (Ensure sufficient postage to guarantee prompt delivery and filing. Any costs incurred for forms returned to sender with insufficient postage are not responsibility of the F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices.) Fill out the following by fully shading the box of the desired answer to the questions below. Check marks are not considered official and will result in forms being returned to sender at the cost of the sender. Please ensure that all answer boxes are filled in by completely shading the interior of the box ONLY. If multiple boxes are shaded for the same question line forms will be rejected and sender must resubmit a new F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G for approval and filing. Costs incurred resulting from booking additional inspections with a factory in the event that previous data is unrecoverable is the sole responsibility of the sender and not the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices. Forms submitted that have been tampered with, forged, copied, crumpled, folded, left in the sun, waterlogged, previously buried, partially burned or imbued with magic will not be accepted and will be returned to sender. Costs associated with resubmission of documents due to the above lie solely with the sender and not with the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices. Forms submitted by senders whom carry expired inspection licenses will have their forms held at the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices until said inspector has paid all license fees pending plus any late fees accrued over the expiration period. Fees and costs left unpaid will incur a penalty of one(1) gold coin per annum until fees are paid. Fees can be paid to the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices my mail, bank transfer, or in person at 1 Kingdom Road P.O. Box 1-8 Kingdomtown, Kingdom K1N-6D0M The Kingdom Official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G office hours are as follows: Hours of operation: During standard play - Open anytime During a current open quest - Offices Closed Hours of operation may be subject to change without notice for system maintenance, DLC, or network issues. Any costs incurred to inspectors due to changes in hours of operation lie solely with the inspector and are not the responsibility of the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices. *Factory Investigation Official Checklist For The Purposes Of Inspection To Meet Established Industry Guidelines* Q1: Is the factory in question currently open to the public? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q2: Are there monsters within the factory? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q3: Are the monsters level appropriate for the average adventurers (according to the most recent CENSUS polls)? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q4: Are the monsters distributed appropriately (i.e. with increasing difficulty in relation to the entrance of the factory, appropriately clustered near valuables, none trespassing near save points)? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q5: Is there treasure scattered appropriately throughout the factory? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q6: Is the treasure easily locatable (i.e. hidden within areas glaringly different to surroundings, or in the centre of areas)? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q7: Is there any treasure that directly nullifies any disadvantage posed by the factory or the monsters therein? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q8: Is the factory background music complimentary to the factory itself and add to the atmosphere appropriately? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q9: Are the locked doors and corresponding keys distributed to ensure maximum backtracking to artificially lengthen gameplay? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q10: Is the factory boss sufficiently stronger than the factory monsters to ensure significant level grinding, thus artificially lengthening gameplay? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q11: If you were the party leader, would you want to investigate this factory? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q12: Why or why not? Please provide specifics. ___________________________________ Q13: Are there any secret passages that are completely unobtainable at the factory anticipated inspection level (F.A.I.L.) to allow for party return and reminiscing and to artificially lengthen gameplay? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q14: Are there sufficient monsters with "instant-party-death" abilities? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q15: Are said monsters from Q14 positioned along vital progress paths between save points for maximum frustration? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q16: Would you consider this factory suitable for duplication in the event that finished adventure is not long enough and additional areas may need to be shoehorned in to placate customer fury? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q17: Why or why not? Please provide specifics. ___________________________________ Q18: Are there any optional party members positioned within the factory? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q19: Are there any unintentional short-cuts from the factory entrance to the boss room that need to be addressed? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Q20: Overall, would you recommend this factory for Main-Quest Certification? Y[] N[] Maybe[] Please submit your completed inspection submission form sealed in an official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G envelope to the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices located at 1 Kingdom Road P.O. Box 1-8 Kingdomtown, Kingdom K1N-6D0M The Kingdom Additional official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G envelopes are available for purchase at the F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G envelope offices located at 2 Kingdom Road P.O. Box 1-8 Kingdomtown, Kingdom K1N-6D0M The Kingdom Thank you for your continued dedication as a trusted representative of the official F.I.O.C.F.T.P.O.I.T.M.E.I.G offices. Your hard work is appreciated.

Once you read these completely optional lyrics, you will never hear Rest at the Inn the same way again. I'm serious. If you don't want to smile to yourself on crowded busses and have strangers wonder what your ipod could possibly be playing to make you so cheerful, don't read these optional goofy lyrics. Last chance. I'm serious. Okay... but I did warn you. ~Rest at the Inn~ (Optional trapped in your brain forever lyrics)~~~~~~~~(I warned you.)~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey guys I need to take a quick nap here That last monster took me out Hey guys I need to take a quick nap here 50 bucks won't clean us out Hey guys I think we should take a nap here My HP is in the red Hey guys I think we should take a nap here There's exactly enough beds Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment Fade out the screen to black Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment Five seconds, my health's back Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment No need to wear PJs Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment We sleep in mythril plates Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment Everyone needs some help Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment Grab quests on our way out Grab quests at the inn for a moment So many rats in caves Grab quests at the inn for a moment So many cats to save Hey guys I think we should check the shelves here .... Hey guys I think theres a treasure chest here .... Stealing at the Inn for a moment I found an awesome hat Scamming at the Inn for a moment Paying with his own cash Hey guys I thinks that there's way more stuff here The innkeeper doesn't mind Check all the barrels and crates for sweet gear We can keep the loot we find Looting at the Inn for a moment Take everything we can Pillaging the Inn for a moment That can't be all he has Searching through the Inn for a moment Plus one to klepto theft Tear apart the Inn for a moment Until there's nothing left Let's Rest at the Inn for a moment Too heavy, all this crap Resting at the Inn for a moment I could use another nap

Traversing Fields: A How-To Guide -or- How Not to Die While Traversing The Fields 1. If there is a path, DON'T STEP OFF THE PATH. 2. If there is no safe path, DO NOT PANIC. 3. Check your inventory and make sure you are carrying enough replenishing items to survive in ANY SITUATION. 4. If you do not have any replenishing items, DO NOT PANIC. 5. Gauge your surroundings to determine whether the safest course of action is to return to the nearest "safe zone" (NPC filled town, or established save point) or to push through the unsafe area to a closer "safe zone". 6. If you are attacked by a monster, DO NOT PANIC. 7. When all else fails, RUN. There is typically a short period of invulnerability after successful escapes from attacking monsters. Use this to your advantage whenever possible, maximizing the chance to close the distance between you and the desired "safe zone". 8. If during a monster attack escape is attempted but not completed, there is a chance that a party member may be damaged by monster attack. If this happens, DO NOT PANIC and ALLOW YOUR PARTY MEMBER TO FEINT. A monster attacking one party member is better than a monster attacking you. Hoard replenishing items and abilities if necessary, using them to maintain the health of your most defensive party member. This will maximize the time you will have to complete a successful escape. 9. If you encounter an unescapable monster or boss, this is the worst case scenario. DO NOT PANIC and follow these vital rules: -Prioritize a party member to the following: One as a main healer, be it through spells or constant item use One as supplementary healer, attacking only when healing assistance is not necessary One as defensive specialist, focusing on mitigating damage through funnelling attacks to party members best able to take the damage -If available, any other party members with damage dealing ability needs to attack any lesser monsters FIRST before attacking the boss. Lesser monsters will deal more damage over time to your party if you avoid them. Take them out FIRST. -Pay attention to any signals that monsters are setting up a devastating power or attack. This can be through a change in stance, or an audible warning. If this happens, DO NOT PANIC. Heal your party to the maximum and DEFEND until the attack passes. You will be fine. -If you are not fine, DO NOT PANIC. Heal back up to maximum and continue as normal. -In the event that total party kill is inevitable, FIGHT ANYWAY. You never know how close to defeat the monsters are. KEEP FIGHTING. -In the event of a total party kill, simply restart from your most recent save and prepare yourself, now armed with knowledge gained from your fight. Stock up on replenishing items and consider re-equipping any defensive or offensive items that were of notable consequence. 10. If you did not save your game recently, it's okay. You can panic a little. I know that's hard. But even though you were emotionally invested in your adventure thus far, it is gone. Maybe take a break for a bit so it's not such a fresh memory and when you feel better, try again.

February 29th, 2012 The sun has just risen. It must be morning. I can't be sure. It's been so long since I have seen my family. But I can't stop searching. I know they're here. They have to be. My reputation is on the line. And my family's. I can't go back empty handed, I'd be the laughing stock of the town. But I am confident. I know I will find them. They have to be here. February 29th, 2012 Stopped to eat my last morsel of food. I can't eat any of the flora or fauna I have encountered thus far. Nothing yet... ...I may have to turn back. February 29th, 2012 I thought I saw something. It was quick, but I'm sure I saw something. It was like a bear in a turtle shell, or with some kind of armoured skin. The flash of bright green hair was what caught my eye. I was right! But I must be quick. I am fighting hunger, and I can't be of any use as an explorer if I can't make my way back to town to share my findings. But no one will believe me without proof. I must press on. February 29th, 2012 Night has fallen. But I have found them. There's a whole community of them! And I was right about the armor! But they tumble around so effortlessly, completely unhindered by their apparent weight. Interesting. They keep looking this way, but they haven't seen me y March 1st, 2012 Glorious! Tremendous! They surprised me last night, but only because I had startled them. And they can understand me! I'm not sure how, they don't speak words that I can understand, but they seem completely able to understand me. And I am learning to determine their intentions through body language and repetition. Soon I will be able to have unhindered conversations with them! I am so excited to share my findings with the town! My daughter will be so proud of me! March 14, 2012 Keep this part hidden from your school friends, honey. Use the map I have drawn to find the secret clearing. Make sure to bring enough food for you and your mother. Don't worry about me, there is more than enough food here, I can't wait to introduce you to these amazing creatures! But you MUST keep this a secret from EVERYONE else. We have to protect them, we have to keep them safe. But I promised you I would bring you a rare new friend. We'll have to compromise, and we'll have to bring a rare new friend to them. :) Love you, Honey. See you soon.

~Scour The Graveyard for Interesting Headstones~ ~Here lies Dave Master Thief Don't even try to loot this grave Seriously. Don't.~ ~Chester B. Punches Died doing what he loved Don't punch Bahamut~ ~I'd rather be raised~ ~Secret T. Entrance What does the T stand for? We may never know~ ~This Plot Available!~ ~Here lies Black Mage She spammed ultima like no tomorrow~ ~Red Mage, Jack of all trades Master of none Never really that good at anything Loved by most~ ~Zen. B. Masta -MONK- Focused. Powerful. Dead.~ ~Here lies a Brief Warrior~ ~Beloved Pet Battle Monster "ChompChompWutStylez" I will miss most all the times you fought my battles for me so that I could reap the benefits. Rest in Peace~ ~-Aerith- I spent so much time levelling you because you were the healer. The only healer. And then you died. And there was nothing I could do about it. And I was devastated. But then I realized that I could make any member of my team the main healer thanks to the materia system and I forgot all about you. R.I.P.~ ~

I'm actually really proud of this particular image. I googled "fire" and the first page of images had several cartoony pictures of flames, enough to get an idea of the appropriate colour scheme. Beyond that, the actual shape and shading of the campfire pixelation was all me. I like it. It looks like a campfire. Only pixelated. But it has a sort of flow to it that I find kind of mesmerizing. Kind of like staring into a campfire. The song itself was created with the concept of the last restful night before the war. No turning back now, this is it. There's nothing left to do but wait. The intent was to create a restful song that kept a sense of foreboding, notably more so than "Rest at the Inn". I wanted to make sure I wasn't repeating myself, but more importantly I had a different story I wanted the song to tell and I needed to make sure that came across. To me, it sounds like it's outside, at night, under the stars and that even with that, the attempt to rest is balanced with the dread of the battle to come. I'm really proud of it. I hope you can hear what I hear, and more, and that you enjoy it as much as I do.

~Preparing For Battle In 6 Easy Steps!!~ Ingredients: 1 Warrior 1 Magic user-offensive 1 Magic user-defensive, healer 1 Monk/Ninja, Red Mage, Thief, or Warrior (to taste) You will need: 1 Status Menu Screen Defensive/Offensive equipment Accessories 1. Assemble all ingredients in a status menu screen. Arrange as desired. If the option for front or back row exists, set Magic user-defensive, healer to the back row. 2. Sort defensive equipment based on type, then by class, then by abilities granted, then by base stats. Distribute evenly. 3. Sort accessories as desired, weighing length of pending boss fight, strengths and weaknesses, etc. 4. Sort abilities if applicable. 5. Check weapons for maximum stat gain and ability, swapping if necessary. 6. Set, save, and enjoy! Serves 1-4. Note: Any leftovers will spoil quickly, but can be wrapped up and sold to a second hand store within one week for an insignificant amount of store credit.

~Raid The Lair (As Told By Children)~ First, um, first there was a guy... No a guy! Yeah, and the guy had a sword and a BIG shield and he said to the castle, "GO AWAY YOU BAD CASTLE!" And then the castle said, "No I won't go you can't make me." And the guy said "OK FINE I'M GONNA FIGHT AT YOU!" And so then the guy called his friend who was a... a big dragon but also a magician who breathed magic puffs. Puffs like marshdmallows. ...There's no DEE in MARSHMALLOWS, SILLY! YES there IS because he is a special MAGIC DRAGON and he has... he, he has marshDEEmallow breath so there... ...and so the guy and the dragon go to, go to the castle and they ATTACK THE CASTLE and the guy goes "HUAHYAAAAAA!" and the dragon goes "MURRRRRAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!" And the castle says... and the castle says "Hey guys, let's play nice instead!" And the guy says "OKAY!" And the guy and the dragon, and the dragon and the castle all go play together like good friends and when they get hungry the dragon goes "BLAAAAUGHH!" and barfs up marshDEEmallows and they eat the marshDEEmallows and they are friends for ever. ~THE END~ ...can I please have a marshDEEmallow?

~The Level Up Dance Party Dance Instructions~ Step One: Assemble your party! This can be any group of people, your party can consist of an even number, or an odd number, or even on your own. The only rule is that all party members MUST be fully mentally and physically prepared to commit to the Level Up Dance Party about to ensue. Step Two: Choose your poses! Everyone has to choose two distinct poses: A BATTLE POSE and a VICTORY POSE! The BATTLE POSE must display your battle prowess, your dedication to the art of war, your readiness to strike the moment it's your turn. The VICTORY POSE must display your overwhelming satisfaction and joy exploding out of you like the happiest jack-o-lantern on the block with the dim candle replaced by THE SUN! Step Three: Choose your party order! Make sure you have enough space between party members to make your poses without bumping into anyone else. Nothing ruins a victory pose faster than knocking into a battle pose transitioning into a victory pose! (Except maybe muscle fatigue...) Step Four: Level Up Dance Party! Follow the beat! Count 1-2-3-4 and on the 1 and 3, stand in your BATTLE POSE! On counts 2 and 4, stand in your VICTORY POSE! Set a count speed your party is comfortable with and that's it! You've just learned how to LEVEL UP DANCE PARTY! Now celebrate with a LEVEL UP DANCE PARTY! 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4!